Sunday, January 11, 2015


I look at that sad, pathetic fool in the mirror and it makes me want to cry.  Crying is for the weak.  I don't cry.  But damn, I want to.

Looking down, I see all the ingredients for turning myself into a "happy" person.  The person everyone wants to see because God forbid, I not be a "happy" person to those around me.

Blush, Eyeliners, Eyeshadows, mascaras, anti aging creams, foundations, powder...goodness, could I have any more paint?

I start to work, massaging, painting all the colors I want for the day.  Making sure I bring out the blue in my eyes.  Everyone loves that.  "Gee your eyes are just popping today. Is that your real color?"  "Why yes, yes it is!"

Finishing up with just a touch of color on my lips, I unwrap my hair from the towel and stare.  Brown, drab, touched with silver way to early.  Ugh.  Age is starting to take it away from me.  It falls out in droves.  It's not the once thick, silky hair I used to have.  I've had to cut it short to make it look...decent.  And so I'm not continuously putting it up in a pony tail.

Some days I fantasize about going bald and wearing wigs and wraps.  A different color, a different style.  I think that would be fun.  Most think I'm crazy when I say that.

I've given up on the style creams, the anti-frizz stuff, mousse and gel.  What's the point?  Do they really do anything any way?  Just fluff and go is how I do it these days.  No style to it really.

Now, off to the closets!  Great, I feel like crying again.  I absolutely hate this part of the paint.  That's shirt's too tight.  That one's just old and tired looking.  God this will take forever.  I have a pile on bed of shirts that I just. can't. wear.

Finally found a shirt, now the pants.  Too tight, doesn't match.  Guess I'll go with old comfy that I wore last week.  One thing I don't have enough of is pants.  But I don't buy them often because of that old mantra "As soon as I lose some weight..."

I can't even wear cool looking shoes these days due to plantar fasciitis.  All those cute shoes in my closet.  I can barely stand to wear them.  I want to cry again because of the pain.  I want to wear those shoes so bad and today is just not the day because my feet hurt so bad.

Accessories...I'm trying.  Maybe today I can work with a pair of earrings and a couple of rings.  And a watch.  But the bracelets don't interest me much because I don't have time to mess with attempting to put them on.  Do you realize how hard it is to try and put a bracelet on by yourself?  I'm just not gonna deal with that today.

Well, I'm done.  The paint is on.  One more look in the mirror and that sad, pathetic fool has been made up to look like the happiest girl in the world. Isn't paint wonderful?

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