It's the first day of 2015 and I have to admit, it's been a pretty good day. I usually spend New Year's Eve and New Year's Day pretty much by myself, doing nothing. This year I was invited to an afternoon of hockey watching, good food and good times. Thanks to advice from my therapist, I accepted the invite and left my home for the afternoon to spend it with other people, not my dogs. And I was happy I did this because I did enjoy myself.
Okay, I'll answer your question, why is this so special? Because I usually say no. I have always felt like an outsider when I go places where I don't know other people and so, when asked, I usually find a way to not go. I'm uncomfortable in new situations with new people.
At the start of 2014 I had a decision to make: do I get out more or do I become a hermit? I mean, I really do enjoy staying at home and watching a movie, or listening to the radio while reading a book. I love the comfort of my sweatshirts and sweatpants and the fact that I don't have to comb my hair. No one here judges me because...there's no one here but me and my dogs!
But I am lonely. I want people to talk to, or eat with, go to the movies with, etc. So I started doing little things. Going to eat by myself. Going to the movies by myself. Going to the DPAC for shows, by myself. Sometimes it wasn't easy but I knew I had to leave my comfort zone, even if it wasn't with others. I had to just "get out."
Then I got invited to a lunch with the girls. I said, "what the heck!" Even requested the day off from my part time job for it. That day was a riot! I was invited to a hockey game. I went! And for the first time, I saw "The Nutcracker." Sometimes it was hard, especially when there was that "thing" inside of me saying, "stay home. It's warm here. No dress up required. If you go out, they will laugh and make fun of you and talk about you behind your back." I would struggle. But in the end, I went.
And that was what 2014 was about. Getting out and saying "yes."
I don't know what 2015 will bring. I have a few things I want to try and a few places I want to go. I know that I'm going to have to stop dipping my toes in the water and wade up to my knees this year. I don't want to be alone.