Where Did I Go?

I don't know.  I just stopped.  I got involved in some books.  And work.  And my dogs.  And everything.  Everything else took place of sitting down and writing.  Excuses, excuses right?

I wish I could say I had something to say but the truth is, I shut myself up.  I don't know what to say.  I know there are things I could say but then I get scared that I'll hurt someone's feelings.  That I'll say too much and you'll judge me.

I did have my Air Conditioning go out.  How did people survive before AC?  I mean really?  I thought I would die.  And I love warm weather.  But I realized...I love AC too.

Blame, blame, blame.  Always something to blame.  Isn't that what we do, as a people, these days?  Blame everyone, for everything?  I admit, I do it.  Heck, I just did.

Even my therapist questions why I stopped opening up.  Truthfully, I wonder, should I really put my thoughts out there?  What if someone reads this and ends up hating me?  If you think about it, I'll agree with half of my friends and disagree with the other half.  How do we live like that?  The stress of it (and I can't control it) kills me sometimes.

There are days when I am seriously scared to go on Facebook or Twitter because of some new law or thought or opinion.  What if I agree?  What if I disagree?  If I say something, who will hate me?  I don't deal well with that.

I keep my thoughts on the most demanding issues of the day silent.  I really do not wish to offend.  Seriously.  I do not want people to hate me.

And so, sometimes, I just disappear.  I feel better that way.

What was it Thumper said?  "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  I would amend that to say, "If you can't say something that would appease everyone and you want to stay friends with everyone, don't say anything at all."

Thank God for my therapist.

Paper books vs. E-Readers

Lately, on several sites I visit there have been "debates" on what is better for reading:  Paper books or e-readers.  To be honest, I like both.  I still buy what I like to term, book books, sometimes paperbacks, sometime hardbacks.  I want to see books.  I love the look of books.  I love the feel of books.  I love the smell of books (don't judge).

I received a kindle in 2010 when I was getting ready to go on a trip to Finland.  Long plane ride.  My mom (whom I never thought would do the techie book thing) had fallen in love with her kindle and said she would get me an early Christmas gift (my trip was in October).  I got it and immediately found myself downloading tons of books, some free, some not so free (a lot of the classics are free). Fast forward 5 years later and I'm on my second kindle (I cried when my original died) and use my Kindle fire to read before bed (I'll explain later).

I moved into a townhouse recently.  I've been looking for the perfect bookshelf.  Until that time, I have books that are haphazardly spread around this house.  I visit a once a month book store where books are one dollar (I give myself $10 to spend here). I have piles of "To Be Read" books in my room, in my second room and even in my living room.  Not to mention the books I have read that are on the bookshelves I already have.

Then there are those times when I want to help out my independent bookstore.  I go there, pick up a couple of books that I know they'll have, look around, pick up a couple more and before you know it, I walk out of the store with 4 or 5 books and my bank account $30-$60 lighter.

There's Amazon where sometimes, I can only get the hardback book I covet (the Outlander Series comes to mind here).  And there's the "big box store" Barnes and Noble in my area.  I go there, sometimes I buy there but they have more than books and that's the shiny thing that catches my eye.  I'll walk out with something not a book, and then buy a book because I feel guilty.  Yeah, it sucks to be me.

But I can't read book books all the time.  My vision is fading and sometimes the print is just too small in those book books, even with my specially made reading glasses.  Especially at night. And that is why I love my kindle.  I can read books and change the font to suit my vision that night.

I read book books during the day and my kindle or kindle fire (in bed, with the brightness on low so it doesn't disturb the dogs trying to sleep) at night.

It's never the same book.  HOWEVER, if I do read a book on the kindle that I've borrowed from the library OR bought at a really low price on Amazon and I love it and want it forever and I want to see it and touch and feel it, I buy the book book . I got the first Outlander book for free on my kindle and then bought all the ones after that on my kindle AND NOW I'M BUYING THEM ALL IN HARDBACK THANK YOU VERY MUCH!  I've also always had the Harry Potter series and Twilight Series in Hardback and then went and bought them on the kindle so I could travel with all of them.  LOL.

I wish the debate would just go away. In the end, isn't is just great that there are so many ways to read now.  That there are so many more people able to read.  Access to books and authors and new worlds and people and ideas are available to anyone.  Why should it matter what format is used?

Sentences...But not much else

Yes, it's been awhile since I "blogged."  I've been trying to start something, anything.  I have sentences.  Great sentences that I can't find friends for.  I write down all of these great sentences when I can, hoping that a spark will come.

I have a story, it's trying to come out.  It taunts me, it haunts me.  But when the time comes to sit down and actually "write," it runs away.  You would think with all of this technology it would be easy but when a sentence comes to you while picking up dog poo well, not easy to get to the colornotes app on your phone.

And then I saw this pic today on facebook, courtesy of Writers Write:  

I know this and I knew I just had to do something, anything.  I had to stop procrastinating.  So here I am, pouring my thoughts out here because I just can't get past where I want to go elsewhere.  I have Jimmy Buffett playing in the background as inspiration (Pacing the Cage played earlier today, while working OT at my paying job).  Of course, I'm still washing and drying my clothes (not folding them, just washing and drying) because that needs to be done too.

I've seen other memes, posts, saying, 'just write, you can edit later' but dang if I can't seem to do that.  I edit while writing because I'm such a perfectionist.  Everything I write has to sound right, right now.  And then there's the whole "can I/should I really put this on paper/write this down."  It's scary to tell a story sometimes knowing what you know.  Someone will surely be offended, or hurt.  Can I really do that?  Even it it's my story?

So, those sentences...maybe they'll become a good story.  At least they are there, waiting for me.

Writing Prompt #1

What is the Weirdest thing you have ever eaten?

Years and years ago, I wanted to be cool and be seen as a person who would do and eat anything.  So one night before going out to the clubs and drinking, I ate a soup that had octopus in it.  Now to be honest, I can't remember if it was actually good or not.  Since that time, I've had grilled octopus and I enjoyed it.  But that night, I swirled the octopi around in my mouth.  Showing my friends that I could and would, eat something as "weird" as octopus.  I know I made a big production out of it even if I can't actually remember the night.

Later, after consuming an extreme amount of alcohol, I thought about it and I'm pretty sure it all came back up.  Not cool.  Not good.

Moral of the story:  Don't eat something "weird" and then think about it after you've had a lot of drinks.

Book Review: "Gone With The Wind" by Margaret Mitchell

I've always wanted to read this book, but it's always been pushed aside by some other book and thus, for years it remained on my TBR (To Be Read) list of books.

I downloaded it to my kindle in 2013.  I just now, today 2/8/2015, finished it.  I started it 1/25/2015.  Damn life and work for getting in the way here!

Anyway, I have to say, I am sorry that I missed out on this book years ago.  Never, in my life, has one book taken me to so many emotional levels.  Sure there's romance.  But there's history and well, life.  As someone who has grown up in the South it was hard to take.  The language really hurt me at times.  Words were used that I dislike but I realize were normal for the times.  And unfortunately some of these words are still used today.

Several years ago, I took a trip to Gettysburg, PA.  I have to admit, it was quite possibly the most emotional trip I have ever taken.  To actually stand where men died for what they believed in, whether you or I believed they were right in their beliefs, it was powerful.  I think if I had been alone, I might have just sat and cried for hours.

Is GWTW a factual story?  Who knows.  But it does tell the tale from the Southern side of things I believe.  With a romantic twist of course.  Because who doesn't want that Southern Belle romantic stuff.

I loved Scarlett.  She was a woman before her time.  And you knew the minute Rhett appeared in her life that he loved her, regardless of his original words.  I admired her for her tenacity, the way she fought.  Sure, there were weak moments, what strong woman isn't weak at times?  And why can't a strong woman be weak? Finally, what woman doesn't "fall" for the wrong guy?

I recommend reading this, if you haven't.  It's not going to change your mind or opinion with regards to the Civil War but, it may make you think about why people felt the way the felt and did the things they did.  I can sympathize, because I am like that.  Right and wrong, your choice, not mine.

And as for the end, Scarlett gets her man in my opinion.

Snow Days!

Funnily enough, we've had quite a few of these in the past week.  But the snow days of the 2000s bear no resemblance to those of my childhood.  Today, we have this way of connecting everywhere so that a snow day is actually a work from home day for a lot of adults.  No more playing with the kids, watching movies, making cookies or actually playing in the snow.  Nope.  Computers and tablets and smart phones keep us connected to our offices so that we can work.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing but today while walking my dogs, I noticed how few kids were outside playing in what was actual snow here in NC.  In my younger days we would have been outside for a couple of hours, throwing snowballs, making snow angels and just hanging out in the snow.  Later we would have gone to someone's house and warmed up with hot drinks and movies but for sure we would have been outside for most of the day on a day like today.  I thought today's snow event was pretty.  I actually wished I had someone to go out and play in the snow with.

Now, for those of us without children, working from home could be a cool idea.  Stay at home and work with no makeup on, in your pjs or your sweatpants and sweatshirts. But I do have dogs.  And when I am home on a computer all day long, not sitting with them, they don't understand.  So my snow days involve working at home with barking dogs.  And when they jump down from the couch that's my cue to stop whatever I am doing to take them outside to do their business.  It's almost more stressful to be home than it is to be at work.  LOL.

Eventually, they settled down and stayed quiet while I was on my conference call.  I took the laptop to the couch so that I could sit between them and they curled up and slept.  Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

But still, I would have had more fun if it had been an actual snow day.

Sleep Overs

When I was growing up, sleep overs were the thing!  I am pretty sure that the first one I had was in second grade (and I have pictures).  Now, they weren't always "happy."  By the end of the evening someone always got mad because they thought they were "your" best friend but for the most part, I think mine went well.

Kids don't do that these days, do they?  I know my niece doesn't.  From 2nd grade to probably 6th grade, I had at least 3, all girls. Then, there was the "divorce" and from the 7th grade to 12th grade (cuz really, who remembers college sleepovers), there was a mix.  It was never a "bad" mix, we just all ended up at someone's house watching Pink Floyd's  "The Wall" or the most recent "Nightmare on Elm Street."

I get the feeling kids don't do that anymore and I don't know why.  These nights were quite possibly some of my most favorite nights.

If you have kids, is this part of your life?

Inquiring minds want to know. And I have pics if you don't answer this question.