Thursday, July 23, 2015

Where Did I Go?

I don't know.  I just stopped.  I got involved in some books.  And work.  And my dogs.  And everything.  Everything else took place of sitting down and writing.  Excuses, excuses right?

I wish I could say I had something to say but the truth is, I shut myself up.  I don't know what to say.  I know there are things I could say but then I get scared that I'll hurt someone's feelings.  That I'll say too much and you'll judge me.

I did have my Air Conditioning go out.  How did people survive before AC?  I mean really?  I thought I would die.  And I love warm weather.  But I realized...I love AC too.

Blame, blame, blame.  Always something to blame.  Isn't that what we do, as a people, these days?  Blame everyone, for everything?  I admit, I do it.  Heck, I just did.

Even my therapist questions why I stopped opening up.  Truthfully, I wonder, should I really put my thoughts out there?  What if someone reads this and ends up hating me?  If you think about it, I'll agree with half of my friends and disagree with the other half.  How do we live like that?  The stress of it (and I can't control it) kills me sometimes.

There are days when I am seriously scared to go on Facebook or Twitter because of some new law or thought or opinion.  What if I agree?  What if I disagree?  If I say something, who will hate me?  I don't deal well with that.

I keep my thoughts on the most demanding issues of the day silent.  I really do not wish to offend.  Seriously.  I do not want people to hate me.

And so, sometimes, I just disappear.  I feel better that way.

What was it Thumper said?  "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  I would amend that to say, "If you can't say something that would appease everyone and you want to stay friends with everyone, don't say anything at all."

Thank God for my therapist.

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