Friday, November 11, 2016

Goodbye, My Rosey Love

How do you do it? How do you consciously make a decision to end a life? Especially the life of one that can't tell you, in human words, anything? I love her. I don't want to make that choice. In the end, I had no choice.

I loved Rosey because she needed me and I needed something to take care of. It was a match made in heaven. 

It has taken some time for me to put these words down. They've been scattered everywhere, whenever a new thought popped in my head.

Rosey, this is for you: 

The time has come to say goodbye my love. To nuzzle you, kiss you, pet you, hold you one last time. 
You kept me alive, so I must let you go. I wanted you but sometimes, I didn't.
You were hard to get to know. 
I wish I could have lived in your mind for just awhile. I wanted to know everything about you, what made you tick. 
When I met you, I was dying; depressed and withdrawn. I didn't want to live. 
Having to imagine the rest of my life without you, that is the hardest part. 
I didn't keep you to be some kind of saint. I kept you because I couldn't bear to let you go.
I will miss your stubbornness and the way you used to nuzzle my head. 
You didn't bark for 2 WHOLE YEARS. But once you started, you never shut it off.  You always let me know how you were feeling.  But that's okay. I loved your bark. 
Except not at 5 in the morning on a Saturday when I didn't have to work. 
I remember meeting you for the first time, not knowing what to expect because you weren't a puppy and I wasn't your 'FIRST' life. 
At night, I listened to you breathing wondering when it would be your last. 
I would kiss the top of your head and feel it vibrate, jiggle.  I wish I knew what that meant. 

You won't be forgotten! I still think of Trixie and Midget and see them in my dreams. I hope you will visit me too. 

Don't let Midget give you any lip! She's a feisty one. 

In the end, I wanted you to live forever, but I could tell you were tired, so I let you go. 

I just hope you know how much you were loved. 

Rosey Tyler April 2008 - August 2016

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